Twins: What Do I Need Two Of?

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I have a friend who I am writing this post for, who is pregnant with twins! I am so thrilled for her and her family, and she doesn’t know what she is in for… double the joy, double the love, double everything!

So I haven’t written in a while! I have missed it. I went through an extremely stressful period, but thankfully we are out of it and slowly settling, in a NEW home! I have traded my stress for new stress it feels like, but I’m working hard to take it down so I can write on a regular basis like I wanted to. I hope you can forgive me for my lack of dedication.

Alright! So lets move on to this awesome new post! My friend asked what my must-haves were for twins and I realized that I did not have a check-list type post specifically for twins. What?! If you haven’t seen my amazing Baby Checklist, you should check it out. I outline in a really cute and handy printable a thorough new-baby checklist and to-do list. In this post, for my twin mamas, I’m going to let you know what you need double of, and what you may want to buy two of. Also, I’m going to include some things made specifically for twins and some tips for shopping for twins!

You already know you’ll need two car seats and two cribs, but what about everything else? Keep in mind that all babies are different, so when you buy two of these things, a great thing to do is to not open everything before they arrive. Only open one of each thing and see how each twin likes them. If you find that one of your babies only wants to use the bouncer, or doesn’t like her bassinet, then take the unopened swing back so you can save some money. Twins are expensive!

You may need doubles of:

1. Rock ‘N Play sleeper by Fisher-Price or a bassinet of your choice.

2. A simple Bounce Seat. Perfect for letting your babies kick and bounce while you get things done around the house.

3. Baby Carriers/Wraps if you’re going to be going out, these are a lifesaver! Some babies HATE being in car seats and they want to be close, so let Dad pack one of the twins around while you carry the other!

4. High Chairs or chair attachments seats like this one, made by Fisher Price!

5. Baby Swings.

6. Boppy Pillows– one for you and one for another family member or friend to use while they hold the other twin. Also great if you’re breastfeeding!

You only need one:

1. Bathtub

2. Twin Stroller- I highly recommend Baby Trend Double Snap-N-Go for their car seats! Its amazing and cost effective! Later on, I recommendBaby Trend Sit N Stand Double stroller for your toddler-sized twinnies! I had great success with both of these items and I didn’t have to spend a fortune.

3. Tummy Time Mat or play gym!

4. Pack N Play (optional)

 

The next few things I’m going to show you are items made just for twins!

1. Something you might want to look into for breastfeeding twins is a My Brest Friend Twin breastfeeding pillow. There is also a breastfeeding pillow called the Twin Z pillow that is really cool!

2. Take a look at Table For Two, an adorable seat to make feeding easier!

3. The Twingaroo is a baby carrier made for twins!

 

As far as everything else you might need for baby in general, please don’t forget to look at my ultimate checklist of baby items! Click Here!

Am I missing anything? Let me know! Thanks for reading!

The Best Baby Checklist from A Mom of Four!

I’m finally done with my new-baby checklist. This is everything I personally need for a new baby in the house and some more things that I always like to have for extra comfort during the first postpartum weeks. If you have any questions about anything on here, let me know! I have listed some of my favorite products, and I’m going to give you guys the link to each one of them so you can check them out yourself!

 

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Here is the HUGE List of my favorite items. Most of these you can find on Amazon (score!).

  1. My chair from American Signature Furniture. It is the best, softest thing to sit in, sleep in, rock in while you’re pregnant, and during those long nights and getting used to nursing. It is the best. I love it so much.
  2. Tucks pads.
  3. Colace Stool Softener  not super fun to talk about, but its such a necessity for postpartum.
  4. Dermoplast Pain Relieving Spray also a big necessity.
  5. Boppy Nursing Pillow
  6. Medela Tender Care Lanolin– My favorite! This is my first choice among all of the brands.
  7.  Medela Pump in Style Advanced Breast Pump with On the Go Tote – Also my personal favorite.
  8. Medela Contact Nipple Shield, Medium– These were life savers for my twins. They were so tiny and had issues latching at first, which can cause any mom to rethink breastfeeding at all. You NEED these in your hospital bag!
  9. Philips Avent Soothie Pacifier, Pink/Purple, 0-3 Months, 2 Count– These pacifiers are the ones they give you in the hospital. I love these because there is virtually no risk for a choking hazard. But please be sure to change it as your baby gets older, there are 3+ month Soothies that are made a little tougher to keep babies from putting the entire thing in their mouths. Hands down these are the best pacifiers out there. My babies have never used anything else!
  10. Summer Infant Comfy Bath Sponge– This is the bath sponge that I love to use for newborns, it adds a lot of security during bath time and its easy to keep clean. Take a look at the price!
  11. Fisher-Price Newborn Auto Rock ‘n Play Sleeper– This is what I’ve been talking about in all of my posts. I love it. Its a major necessity for me.

So those are my favorites out of the list! I hope you find the list useful and you can narrow it down by checking off what you need, or adding other things you want to have! I have also added a safety checklist of things you need to be aware of before bringing baby home.

I have just published an article about baby toys that will be helpful for new moms as well, it is The Best Toys for Babies! Check it out!

Don’t forget to make the most of your pregnancy, click here to see my favorite Pregnancy Keepsake Ideas.

I want to know what else is a must-have for pregnancy, postpartum and baby. If you’re a mom of multiple children or a first-time mom, let me know what you think! I want to hear from you. Comment below!

Please share with this with your friends, and feel free to sign up for my All-Things-SuperBaby newsletter!

 

Breastfeeding Essentials!

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This is my top 10 essentials for a nursing mama. I have made this picture great for pinning on your Pinterest board! Enjoy.

As a nursing mom, I’ve had 5 years of nursing experience (total! so far). I nursed my daughters for two years each, and I’m working on 9 months with my twin sons! I’ve learned full well what works, what doesn’t and what is a total waste of money when it comes to nursing. Nursing is very inexpensive, and you don’t need a whole bunch of expensive stuff to start. All you truly need is support. If you feel like you don’t have any, let me be that support for you. You can talk to me by going to my “Contact Me” page, or just leave a comment!

1. If I had to pick one thing to get for nursing it would be a Boppy pillow hands-down. Newborns are tiny and nursing a newborn can be difficult especially if they’re under 7lbs (three of my babies were under 7!). Boppy provides the best support and it’s very comfortable to use. I’ve used several other brands and none of them compare!

2. I rarely use it now, but for nursing a newborn the second most important thing for me to have is lanolin nipple cream. The most effective brand for me is Medela. It’s a creamier consistency than other brands and if you have sore, cracked or other nipple problems, you’re going to want something easy and comfortable to apply.

3. Prenatals . It’s pretty self explanatory, but I highly recommend staying on your prenatals if you’re breastfeeding.

4. I put a BIG fluffy recliner in the picture above for a reason: If you’re exclusively breastfeeding, you’re going to be sitting down a lot. And you’re going to be sitting a LONG time. Your baby will nurse for about 15-20 minutes on each side, every three hours around the clock in the early days. If you buy the wooden glider with the 2 inch thick pad, your rear end is going to hate you. Mine did! I spent HOURS upon hours in the glider when my first daughter was born and I vowed to get a big rocking recliner when we had our next baby. You Will NOT Regret It.

5. A hospital grade pump. I didn’t even buy a manual pump when we had our first baby. I wasn’t planning on breastfeeding. It wasn’t until we had her that I fell in love with nursing. I ended up buying a manual pump when I was dealing with my first clogged duct, and it didn’t help at all. I bought a hospital grade pump after our second baby was born, and it worked wonders. I’m an exclusive nursing mama, which means that I don’t do any pumping or any formula feeding, so for the moms that plan on feeding with bottles, skip right on over the manual pumps and buy a hospital grade pump before your baby is born and learn everything about it! It is not difficult to use at all, but I recommend getting really familiar with milk storage guidelines and sanitation practices.

6. This needs to be in big letters but I won’t yell too loud: WATER. Aside from my Boppy pillow, water is my best friend. Keep a bottle with you wherever you are. Drink when baby drinks, and get plenty! Don’t wait until you’re thirsty to drink.

7. A nursing bra. Nursing bras are my saving grace but for the early days I just recommend going to a maternity store and buying nursing pajamas or a nursing gown. That way you don’t have to wear a bra, and a top while you’re dealing with that first-two-weeks-engorgement-period. You need to be as comfortable as possible to enjoy breastfeeding and be really successful. Splurge on yourself and buy some super soft nursing pajamas before your baby is born, and use them in the hospital. I did with my twins and I was ever-so-thankful.

8. Healthy, healthy, healthy snacks. My favorite thing to eat in the hospital were these little veggie trays they had after I had the boys. They had chicken salad, carrots, crackers, and cheese and it was delicious and filling. I recommend having a family member go out while you’re in the hospital and fill your fridge up with yummy snacks like this for you to eat. You’re going to be pretty hungry (or not-I was shocked at my lack of appetite after I had my daughter) so make sure you go home to a pantry stocked full of healthy snacks for you to munch on throughout the day and night.

9. Nursing pads these are another huge necessity for me. Buy them and pack them in your hospital bag, because when your milk comes in, its going to be a huge mess(lol!). That was another thing that I didn’t prepare for when we had our first baby. I used tons and tons of these and the brand that I loved was Lasinoh, but Medela is good too. I don’t recommend buying reusable nursing pads.

10. Nursing camis. These are awesome during all phases of your breastfeeding journey, I love them and I still use them now that my twins are 8 months old. I hope that I can make some nursing cami’s for my business, Snickerdoodle, soon. 🙂

Added: one thing that I forgot to mention was Medela Nipple Shields. I bought them when we had the twins, and they really helped my son Jackson who struggled with a bad latch! It was amazing! I highly recommend them for babies born early. 

 

Having twins? Read my Breastfeeding Twins post!

My other checklist posts are: All-Things Baby! and Pregnancy Necessities!

Thanks for reading! These are my necessities, if you have more, please share! Thanks y’all.

My List of NEWBORN Must-Haves!

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^That’s my son Levi!

When I started this post and I had listed a ton of stuff that is really important to me when I have a newborn in the house. I was thinking, if I’m actually advertising all of these products, why do it for free? So I decided to become an affiliate for Amazon, and now if you guys buy anything you read about from my blog from the link that I put, I will be paid for it. So it’ll help a mama out while I’m doing my best to help you. 🙂 Not to mention, I buy so much from Amazon because their prices are always awesome, and you can easily get free shipping. 

So! I’m a mom of four, including my set of twins! So I like to think I’ve become a seasoned pro at preparing for a baby (and in my case, babIES). All of the things below are things that are an absolute must-have for me and these are things that will help ease the new-parent craziness. When my first baby was born, I was a complete mess. I had most of what was on the basic registry lists but boy I did not do my homework. The long nights could’ve went so much better for us had I just done a little research. By the time my second daughter was about to arrive, I knew what to expect ahead of time and everything went so much smoother. I was a happy mama.

So I hope that someone will read this and benefit from it, and be able to have a better experience transitioning to being a parent than I did. And even if you are a parent already, maybe expecting another baby, I hope that this helps! Thank you all!

This is a list of things other than the basics like clothes and diapers and wipes. 🙂

1. My absolute TOP must-have for newborns is this. A Fisher-Price Rock ‘N Play Sleeper. 

 

719MUV79NlL._SL1452_This is my favorite thing to have when I have a new baby. When we brought our first daughter, McKennah, home from the hospital, I had a frilly bassinet that was so cute but she hated it. She had reflux and she just could not lay in that bassinet without screaming. We tried putting her in the crib, we tried elevating the crib, with no use. She cried and cried. I couldn’t let her sleep with us because I was too afraid of the accidents that can happen (I am not a co-sleeping fan), and our bed was too small anyway.

We were desperate. With no sleep, I was up all night long rocking her in the glider and every time I tried to lay her down, back to screaming. We went to the store and found one of these, and IT WAS PERFECT. I brought it home and when she fell asleep, I put her in it, and she absolutely loved it. She slept in it every night after that until she grew out of it.

When my second daughter was born, I knew well ahead of time what she was going to sleep in. We pulled out that little Rock ‘N Play that Kennah used and our little Ava loved it too. And when the twins were on their way, I didn’t hesitate to order a set of Rock ‘N Plays that they could use too.

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Here is my husband and our baby Jackson in his Rock ‘ n Play. This was the day we came home from the hospital. 🙂

If I could recommend one thing for any parent to have, it would be this.  It is elevated, to help reflux that many babies have. It has straps that you can buckle your baby into to keep him even more secure, it has mesh sides for safe breathing, it promotes the back-to-sleep sleeping position, and it also has a very soothing vibrating feature to comfort your little one as he sleeps!

You can buy one from Amazon by  clicking this link! Fisher Price Rock ‘n Play Newborn Sleeper

 2. My second must-have is the Boppy Nursing Pillow! 

81Pxzh6P+aL._SX522_This is essential to me when I’m nursing a newborn. When McKennah was born, it was literally the first time I had ever held a newborn. Or really, any baby. I just never liked holding other peoples babies. Until Kennah was born. 🙂 Anyway.. I had to have Josh run out to get one of these pillows when me and Kennah were still in the hospital. I saw these and didn’t buy one because I figured pillows would work fine. I didn’t realize how difficult it would be helping Kennah nurse and being extremely careful and she was so tiny and I was just like, WOW this is a necessity. I felt so much better using this pillow. It stayed put, it was very comfortable, and I just loved it.  

You can find this exact pillow here:Boppy Nursing Pillow and Positioner, Whale Blue, 0-12 Months

Boppy also makes other things like portable nursing pillows, high-chair covers, and pregnancy support pillows!

 3. The perfect Bouncer!

71va1xU5iyL._SX522_The Bright Starts Bouncers are my favorite ones for babies because they’re not too laid back and too fluffy for them to actually bounce in. The only thing I don’t like is that the box that plays the music and vibrates the seat is right at the foot of the bouncer where the babies’ feet kick. My daughter loved her bouncer and she kicked that box so hard when she was bouncing I was afraid it was going to hurt her little feet! She had so much fun so I don’t think it bothered her enough to stop bouncing. I looked for a good bouncer for my other kiddos where that box wasn’t on the foot of the bouncer, but I couldn’t find any. This is my favorite brand and type of bounce seat that there is, and it’s a great price online! Here is the link:Bright Starts Bouncer

4. A diaper changing station! 

81rC-R-0ovL._SX522_I didn’t have room for a changing table when any of my kids were born, so I had to think outside the box when it was time for diaper changes. Most changes I did right on the floor, on a comfy blanket (or sometimes a towel-blowouts are messy!!) but I was overwhelmed with carrying bags of diapers and boxes of wipes. Plus, I often had to run and find the diaper rash cream or burp cloths or any other thing that I needed. This is genius and pretty to look at! Keep everything in a basket, and keep it close!

Buy it here:Munchkin Sarabear Portable Diaper Caddy🙂

 

 

 

 

5. Speaking of Diaper Changes… Boudreaux’s Butt Paste.

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Hands-down this is the best diaper cream out there. I’ve used all of them, and Boudreaux’s is top-of-the-line, most of the time it takes one use of Butt Paste to clear my little ones’ skin right up! I love this stuff. It doesn’t smell terrible. Make sure to use A TON of this stuff and your baby will be good as new. I love it. Buy it bulk with this fancy jar!

You can find this here:Boudreaux’s Butt Paste 16 oz. Jar!

 

 

6. Soothie Pacifiers.

716hmBQEfmL._SX522_I’m a huge fan of the basic pacifiers you get from the hospital. They make the paci’s for babies over three months as well! These pacifiers are so much safer than the plastic ones, because it’s all one piece. There are virtually no choking hazards. They come in really cute colors now!

They are easy to clean, made of hospital-grade silicone. They are also soft, and won’t press on your babys skin when she uses it. Find them here:Philips Avent Soothie Pacifier, 0-3 Months, 6 Pack

 

 

 

 

7. Summer Infant Comfy Bath Sponge

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I LOVED this when I had my twins. They were born at just under 6 lbs each so they were sooo tiny and scary to hold when they needed baths. The sponge will fit in your sink or in a baby bath tub. It is soft and contoured for comfortable baths and I highly recommend them! Not to mention, you can get a pack of TWO on Amazon for cheap!

Buy it here:Summer Comfy BathSponge

 

Okay so there are a few of my necessities. I’m going to go ahead and post this and come back tonight. My babies need me. See ya later. 🙂

 

My 10 Favorite Pregnancy Keepsake Ideas

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9 months seems like ages when you’re pregnant, but as soon as your little bundle of joy arrives, you’ll soon start to miss that baby bump! I have listed some of my favorite ways to capture the best moments of pregnancy so when it’s all over, you have a special keepsake to remember the joy of your pregnancy.

  1. Make a Pregnancy Announcement Photo (or video family’s reactions!) –The sky is the limit with the amount of creativity that you can put into this. I’m sure you’ve seen some of the viral photos or YouTube videos of a dad-to-be finding out his significant other is pregnant. Not only is it a wonderful moment to share with others, its something you can capture and keep close to you for years to come.Women-s-pregnancy-announcement--Bun-in-the-oven--f
  2. Keep a Pregnancy Journal- This is something that I have done with each of my pregnancies. It’s hard finding the perfect journal, because I like to document things that I know I would forget about. Like when I started feeling hiccups or when I finally felt relief from nausea! I loved writing down what I was up to daily or weekly during my pregnancy because now when I want to go back to it, I feel even closer to those memories. It’s definitely a treasure of mine.
  3. Take Weekly (or monthly!) Belly Pictures-I cannot stress this enough! I didn’t take but like two or three photos of my ever-growing bump when I was pregnant with my first baby. I only have one or two pictures of myself and they’re not my favorite picture of me! I was really upset that I hadn’t captured my first pregnancy in this way… I wish I had. But I understand, most new moms are extremely self conscious about how they look, pregnant, for the first time. All I know is, you’re gonna wish you had taken some pictures. 🙂
  4. Have Maternity Pictures Taken-Let a professional photographer take over during the last few weeks of your pregnancy, and you may not even feel up to it, but I encourage you to get out there and strike a pose!
  5. Have a Gender Reveal Party- This is an awesome idea, and just one more way to share the joy of your baby’s impending arrival with family and friends. There are SO many awesome ideas out there, from cakes to balloons to siblings surprising mom and dad.. Josh and I didn’t have a gender reveal party, but for the twins, we bought blue Christmas ornaments for his parents’ tree and put them in gift bags, and let them open the gifts in front of family on Christmas Eve. It was really special. I wish we had done some kind of gender reveal for the girls!SF28gCBPpfYBXBgnmHzUboQk3pz269jR_lg
  6. Write Letters to Your Baby- I often wrote things to my babies when it was getting hard to see the bright side of things. It helped a lot and sometimes it turned my whole day around. It doesn’t have to be a sappy love letter, just tell your baby how you feel, what’s been going on. Maybe your feet are swollen and its getting hard to do things around the house, or maybe you put your cell phone in the fridge by accident. When it comes down to it, you’ll realize you’d go through just about anything to see that your baby is happy and healthy at the end of the day. The things weighing down on you may not seem so bad. <3
  7. Celebrate Every Milestone- Whether it is going out to eat or just doing a little happy dance at home, celebrate every milestone. The biggest milestones for me were hearing the heartbeat for the first time. Getting to 10 weeks. Finding out the gender. Getting to 20 weeks. Getting to 24 weeks (viability!). It doesn’t have to be big, but put a smile on and enjoy the day! (also something to celebrate in your pregnancy journal!)snoopy_dancing_by_jessie4508
  8. Go on a “Babymoon”- I’ve never done this before but I think it’s a great idea. Take a vacation, or just some time off of work to relax and unwind before baby comes. It’s perfect for spending special time with your significant other, celebrating the (good!) way your lives will soon change.
  9. Frame Ultrasound Pictures- What can you do with those precious black and white sonogram pictures? Don’t pack them away. They present a beautiful moment in your childs life. The moment when mom and dad got to see them for the first time. And when you’re running down the hallway chasing after that now-three-year-old, that little photo will catch your eye and make you realize how fast time flies. Cherish every moment!
  10. Be a Part of a Birth Club!- I can guarantee you theres a mom-to-be out there going through the exact same thing you are dealing with. Why not vent and support one another during the ups and downs of pregnancy? You’ll find that there are thousands of other moms pregnant and due the same time you are! Being in a birth club, or any type of pregnancy support club, makes getting through the hiccups of pregnancy so much easier than dealing with it alone. Be sure to never put the recommendations or opinions of others online in place of your doctors advice and orders, never give anyone the name or location of your doctor and never share any personal information, including appointments. It can be a very fun, exciting thing to be a part of! But be safe online.

 

 

Thank you for reading! And if you came from Blogger Babes you can go back to the link page by clicking here: Blogger Babes Link Party. Thanks for visiting!

Finding out we were having twins: Our Double Rainbow

Here is the long long story that I’ve wanted to tell. It’s been one year!

Finding out we were having twins:

Our Double Rainbow

We had always joked around that my husband, Josh, had psychic powers when it came to our children. Somehow, he knew big details about every pregnancy we have had, subconscious thoughts, mostly. He just knew, while I racked my brain and symptoms for any “signs” that might come to me. I’m weird.. instead of driving myself crazy with waiting, I used my time in between big events in our journey by doing loads and loads of research on any one symptom or thought. It can be very time consuming and research makes my heart happy.

Anyway. The August before we conceived the twins, I got pregnant. We didn’t think I was actually pregnant, I actually gave up taking pregnancy tests because I just thought that it didn’t happen, why waste the money. I let it go, and one day I woke up and Josh had gone to run some errands, I decided to use my last digital test because it was going to burn a hole in my cabinet if I didn’t use it. I don’t like to wait.. But I’ve told you that. I took it and let it sit there on the counter. Preparing myself for the “Big Fat Negative”. And I was trying to tell myself it was okay, I mean, we just moved to our new home and we really weren’t trying to get pregnant so it’s okay… I would be broken hearted but we have plenty of time to have more children… Don’t be upset if it didn’t happen.

“Pregnant 1-2 Weeks”

My jaw dropped. I attempted to look closer because I couldn’t believe my eyes, Ava was crawling all over me and I was in complete shock. “Wow! Oh my God!” I sat there alone for a minute trying to regenerate my thoughts, “okay. Okay! I’m pregnant. We are having another baby. Oh what is he going to think.” I took a picture of the test and sent it to him via text, with a smiley face next to the picture. He rushed home and gave me a big hug. I was like, ..what if it is too soon? What if I can’t handle this? Three children.. Josh was happy, though, and he lifted my spirits.

We spent the week enjoying the moment during pregnancy that you can be excited and feel awesome before the 1st Trimester really starts to show her big (green) face. We went out and my mother bought me a pregnancy journal. I love them and I wanted one that I could record every detail in. I wasn’t planning on having any more than 3, so I wanted to make the most of my last pregnancy. We went to eat at Cracker Barrel, just the two of us. It was a wonderful afternoon but something just didn’t feel right.

The next morning my mom took my girls to my dads house to visit, before I woke up. I remember tossing and turning because I was in a lot of pain, in that half asleep phase that you can make up any excuse to stay in bed. I just told myself it was the baby getting comfy in there, as that can happen during early stages of pregnancy. I got up because I couldn’t sleep through the pain anymore. Then I realized why the pain was there. I was bleeding, a lot. I was miscarrying. Again. Instant tears. Josh rushed in to see what was wrong and we sat there in the bathroom together for the longest time while I cried over our second loss. This one was much, much faster than our first miscarriage. But still so painful and heartbreaking. Some friends convinced me to go to the hospital with my last bit of hope, praying for a miracle, maybe it was just a complication, maybe the baby was still alive.

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The hospital doctor didn’t give me a minute of his attention. Chemical pregnancy, happens all the time. Move along. I had a nurse who noticed me, though. He helped me through it. Gave me a box of tissues, and told me about his experience with miscarriage, and he tried to make me feel better. He really cared and although I left with a heavy heart, I felt thankful for my nurse. I needed to hear what he said, because I was being hit with a thousand flashbacks of my first miscarriage. I was about to go off the edge in a downward spiral, but his kind words pulled me back. I got through a second trimester miscarriage. I can get through this too. Prayer, Brit. Just pray.

And now that I am writing this, I realized that was God. He sent me my guardian angel that day.

I put on a smile the next day, hosting my sisters first baby shower. I enjoyed myself and it let me escape my mind for a little while. I put all of my energy into making sure my sister had a wonderful time, we were all so thrilled for the impending arrival of the first little boy on my side of the family.

I tried to get through my emotions by ignoring them, and it didn’t work very well. As much as I know about psychology, I should’ve let myself grieve. My emotions came through being disconnected with everyone, I was upset and moody and I didn’t see it. I grasped to every flicker of hope, I even bought more pregnancy tests to see if I was still getting positive results. I did. For a whole week, and then that pretty little pink line started disappearing. The physical pain of my miscarriage was over but it struck me with a whole new pain emotionally. The last hope was finally gone.

Now, some people would read this and say, oh my God she is whining over a chemical pregnancy? All that over a months’ worth time? You just lost a 4 week pregnancy. Big deal. I want to let those people know, that I didn’t just lose a pregnancy. I lost a baby, I lost his or her future, I lost holding my newborn, I lost seeing her precious face, who she would’ve grown up to be. I lost everything. Even though to someone on the outside, I didn’t lose anything.

Several weeks went by, and I had plenty of distractions. Josh and I welcomed two nephews, both of our sisters were due that September. The little boys were born safe and sound, beautiful little blessings from God. My sweet girls were enjoying every day in our new house, and I strived to make every day beautiful and fun.

As I am typing this now I’m wiping tears off of my face. The painful truth of miscarriage is that you never heal. You never forget. You don’t even escape the pain. You just get better at enjoying things and changing your thoughts, warding off the crippling pain. I have been putting off writing this for so long, one full year after it happened. Writing this sends me right back to that day, and it suffocates me all over again. It’s hard to recover from writing about it, but it’s good for healing.

A few more weeks went by, and I won’t go into detail (obviously) but I realized we might be pregnant again. I started all over again, waiting for signs and trying to figure out when I could find out. Fear struck through me every other moment as I waited. I wasn’t ready for this again. I don’t want to do this again. I can’t handle it.

I got the 88¢ pregnancy tests from Walmart. I just bought a whole slew of them because I didn’t want to waste money on the big fancy tests anymore. I didn’t even want to tell my friends because I knew they were sick of hearing about my worries with all of this, and now look at me! Back at it again.

I let a week pass before I really started driving myself crazy and broke down and took one of the tests. It appeared to be negative but I’m kind of a “POASaholic” and eyeballed it until I swore I saw a positive line. ‘Course Josh didn’t see anything and brought me back down to reality.

The very next morning something showed up on my test.

Josh was skeptical. He thought I was crazy and I admit it, I get a little crazy. It drives me absolutely insane not knowing if there is a baby in my womb, forgive me! I just like to know these things so that I know not to get a Rum Runner at BWW, okay?! ‘Scuse me.

He knew I had a circle of buddies online with just the same amount of pee-test craziness that I have, so he let me give all of those gory details to them. And of course, I get an overwhelming “OMG PEE ON ALL THE STICKS” response. Lol, I love you guys! (You know who you are).

Next one, negative. Okay. I’m getting tired of this now. I know too much about the process and I know good and well that I’m just going to have to wait. It’s just that, I’m extremely impatient. But I had an adequate amount of distractions. I settled my mind back into the blissful “what if” state. What if I was actually pregnant, what if it was a boy, and Lord help us, what if it is another little girl. What would I name her. When would I be due. On and on…

Until the next morning! (Lol.)

My last little cheapie test showed in a big, beautiful positive result.

twinsbfp

(this is my actual test! )

(I know you can barely see it.)

(I KNOW.)

This moment marked the beginning of an amazing, beautiful adventure. I had no earthly clue what was in store for us as we started this journey. As I looked at this test all of the emotions from my miscarriages ran through me, all of the hope came back, everything, all at once.

I immediately called my doctor and scheduled an appointment as soon as I could. Having a date makes me feel better for some reason. I remember sitting down with Josh that evening, quiet and scared and hopeful. Then he smiled. He got really excited and we joked about what the girls are going to think. I got an overwhelming bout of heartburn all of a sudden, and put my hand over my chest and said, “Wow I got heartburn just now. Kind of early for heartburn isn’t it? Haha.” He laughed and said, “because it’s going to be twins, watch!” I immediately cut him off, “HAHA. Don’t say that.”

So when my appointment came, I had started feeling some pain again. I was scared, trying to prepare myself for what might come. My doctor gave me an ultrasound to see what was going on.. why I was in so much pain, because I wasn’t bleeding. I remember my hands sweating as I waited for him to come in the room. Scared to death. Josh was there with me, thankfully, to keep me from freaking out.

I waited as he turned the lights off and turned the ultrasound screen towards us. This was the moment of truth. And all of a sudden, nothing. The screen was blank, there was nothing in my womb. A crushing, horrible feeling came over me. My doctor looked over at my ovaries, one was extremely large, with some bleeding. My doctor said it might be early, but that it could very well be an ectopic pregnancy.

4w2dtwins

He said, go home. Come back in two weeks and we will know. I was so upset and unsettled. They did a pregnancy test that was very positive so it was confusing as to why we didn’t see anything, and because I was in a good amount of pain. Surely if there was a baby there, it would’ve been visible and obvious. My husband held my hand on the way home. We were both quiet again. I didn’t know anything about ectopic pregnancies, only that they form outside the womb. The baby is surely alive, just not where he’s supposed to be. And the tragic thing about that fact is, the pregnancy will have to be terminated.

I began our wait by going home and getting straight on my computer. Looking for moms that have gone through this, wondering, scared. During these days I held my girls tight. So thankful for the sweet gift God has given me to let me hold my daughters. You don’t ever really realize what you have until it’s taken away from you. As I sat with my girls, I kept trying to tell myself, just be thankful for now. I am pregnant, today. I don’t know what will come of tomorrow. But today, I’m okay. Breathe.

I am pregnant today.

bfp2

We went to the store the next afternoon, and I decided to browse through the baby clothes very quickly, before Josh could make his way toward the milk. I caught his attention before he went past me, and I grabbed two blue fire truck pajamas off of the rack and held them up to show him, jokingly. He laughed and we continued on. I remember that and although I only did it purely out of humor, mocking his little “twins” comment he made days ago, I cannot believe that it was true. I should’ve bought those little pajamas.

My anxiety eventually got the best of me. After one week I couldn’t handle the pain. I couldn’t handle the idea of terminating a pregnancy, a baby, with a heart beat. I couldn’t do it. It would kill me inside. I had a hard enough time letting go with my first miscarriage, and my baby had already passed. I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to call, maybe we could see something now. Surely I can know, now. Please.

My doctor let me come back without hesitation. I love him! He had the ultrasound room prepared and I waited. It was a rush appointment so Josh stayed at home with the girls. We figured if it is an ectopic pregnancy, then we wouldn’t want the girls there when we found out. I went alone.

After a short chat with my nurse, I sat in my room and waited for my doctor again, a bundle of nerves and on the brink of tears. I stared at the screen on the ultrasound machine, wondering what it’s going to reveal in just minutes. I said a prayer.

My doctor came in and was cheerful and he actually got on to me for worrying like I do. I fully admitted to not being able to help that. 😉 I prepared for the ultrasound, and waited for my doctor to turn the screen towards me so I could see, but he didn’t. When he began, I closed my eyes tight and clenched my fists and waited, my heart racing. I opened my eyes, he hadn’t turned the screen. He had his hand on his chin, analyzing the screen. Fear struck through me like lightening. It could be anything. What’s going on? What does he see?

I said, “is everything okay?”

And in that moment, my entire world turned upside down.

“You’re fine, Brittany, you’re having twins!”

“WHAT?!”

He called the nurse in to have a look at the picture of the two little spots on the screen that were my twin sons.

twins

The next few moments were a blur.. my mind was going through stages of shock that I had never felt before. I went in thinking I was going to hear awful news, hoping and praying that the baby was okay, that he or she was in the right place inside my womb, but never did I expect to hear those words.

My first thought was, “That isn’t twins. Those are just spots.”

“Oh my gosh. Twins?”

“Holy — Wow.”

“I’m going to puke.”

I made my way out of the office, with many congratulations from my doctor and his staff, all of them commenting on how shocked my face looked, all while saying “Oh my gosh” about forty-seven-thousand times. All I could think of was, it wasn’t ectopic. This is a miracle. This is a blessing. Tears started pouring before I could even get to the door of my truck. I pulled myself into the drivers seat, rested my head on the steering wheel, and cried.

Not only was the pregnancy in the right place, there were two babies. My brain simply could not understand the words that I was trying to tell myself. Two. Babies. Brit, what. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS.

My hands were shaking as I reached for my phone. I couldn’t wait until I got home. I pressed “Hub” on my recent calls.

“Hey, how did it go??”

“Um, everything’s fine. How are the girls?”

“They’re fine, what did they say?”

“Um, well, the uh, the… babies are in the right place.”

I couldn’t handle keeping my composure anymore. I silently cried while he tried to figure out what he just heard.

“Babies? There’s more than one?”

“Yes!” I cried.

“Oh, wow” he choked up.

“Wow, two babies. Oh wow.”

“I know!”

“Everything is okay. They’re okay.”

“My hands are sweating,” he laughed.

“I’ll show you a picture when I get home.”

“Yes, hurry home.”

I ended the call and called my mom, and I let her know. She immediately bawled there at work when I told her. It was such an amazing day for me, although I was scared to death. That night we spent the evening processing the news that we just received.

We didn’t catch a rainbow…. we caught a double rainbow.

rnbw

The meaning of a rainbow baby:

“It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of any storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened, or that we are not still dealing with its aftermath.

It means that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and hope”

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